Dear Diary: Abdominal Hysterectomy The aftermath (DAY 7)

 

Today has been the most emotionally draining ever since my Abdominal Hysterectomy. I woke up at 5:00am this morning and I am so weepy and have this feeling of emptiness and a kind of literal vacuum within me.
The pockets of gas that has replaced my cervix, are the most painful reminder of what’s has been taken out of my womanly body…
The decision to undergo this highly complicated surgery, has been a very long tedious if not impossible journey. But it had to be done, it was time…

My maternally astute daughter, an avid listener, intuitive comforter as well as my most honest and forthright critique if needs be, came into my room, gave me one look and that was it…

Being a naturally instinctive human being, Lerato asked in her most soft and loving voice if I was ok? And that’s when my emotional floodgates burst open and I started sobbing. The silent almost inaudible sobbing quickly escalated into a full scale wailing characterized by stinging, bitter tears, a pain in my heart and severe hyperventilation…

Lerato held me in her arms and quietly encouraged me to “cry it all out Momma, don’t hold it in”. “It is ok Momma”, she said. This made me so safe in our private and sacred space that I just let it all out. I cried like l never cried before…I cried up until there were no tears coming out of my eyes. And she just held me tight, and never said a word.

This process was very cathartic to me. I was able to release all the pent up emotions which I had been suppressing since the day I took a major decision to undergo the Abdominal Hysterectomy. It felt like some heavy rock was being melted from deep inside of me, and the tears were evidence of this mass that I have being carrying around…

It has been a roller coaster of painful tummy cramps, gas, fatigue, and a lot of emotional episodes. But having my family’s love and support has helped me in taking it one day at a time…

I would like to applaud each and every woman from all walks of life, who has experienced any kind of loss. It could have been death of a loved one , debilitating injury, being diagnosed with a incurable or chronic disease, divorce, loosing one’s job, as well as those who, through their choice or not, had to undergo the same procedure I underwent.

I would like us to be conscious of the fact that, it is ok for us to crumble, to disintegrate and be vulnerable when going through any tumultuous time in your life.This is an indication that we are normal human beings and are thus bound to hurt and grieve. It is not a sign of weakness as we were socialized or how the world might want us to believe.

The fact that we can cry and mourn over any kind of painful experience, physical, emotional or emotional loss or suffering that we happen to experience in our lives, is a sign of being genuine human beings. That is, regardless of our status, that of being professionals, executives, corporate moguls etc.

As in my experience, we do not need to try and be superhuman, but to take each day of our life challenges one day at a time. Let yourself go if needs be, allow your spouse, children, family and even close friends to love, comfort and support you. I am doing it and it is very effective.

 

In conclusion, please acknowledge that is ok not to be a doctor, CEO, scientist or financial executive at certain times in our lifetime. You are allowed to be as weak and vulnerable as you feel at the time. So, as in my case currently, try the process of crying, grieving, mourning and just being you.

After this cathartic process is complete, you can then take stock and regroup. With your renewed positive strength energy and optimism, you can go back to your professional life and do what you best…
That is what I am planning to do…

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